European Union plans to rationalise English spelling

After the resounding? success of the reform of spelling in Germany in 1999, the EU proposes to introduce legislation to rationalise the spelling in English also.

2001. In the first year the soft "c" shall be replaced by an "s". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.

2002. In the second year, the hard "c" shall be replaced by a "k", and "ph" shall be replaced by an "f". Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but this would make words like "fotograf" some 20% shorter in print, adding to the efficiency of the EU publishing trade.

2003. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kould be expekted to reatsh the stage where more komplikated tshanges are possible. We enkourage the removal of double letters for added efficiency these have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

2004. We wod al agre that the horible mes of silent "es" in the languag is disgrasful. The same aplies 2 silent leading "h". Ther4 we kould drop thez & kontinu to read and writ az tho nothing ad apened.

2005. By this tim it wud be 4 yearz sins the skem began, & peopl wud be rezeptiv 2 steps sutch az replasing "th" with "z". Zis makz zingz easier 4 ze Tschermanz. Perhaps zen ze funkshun of "w" kould b taken on by "v" vitsch iz, after al, half a "w".

2006. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary "o" kould be dropd from wurdz kontaining "ou". Zimilar argumentz vud ov kors be aplid 2 kombinashuns of letrs. Kontinuing zis prozes yir afta yir, ve vud eventuali av a reli sensibl riten styl.

2007. After 7 yirz zer vud be no mor trublsm difikultiz, & evrivun vud find it eze 2 unterstand etsh ozer. Zumari: floccipaucinihilipilification ! (look it up, you lazy sods!)

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